The Issue of Trust

At the end of January Jon and I had a big fight. I was feeling stuck at a dead end job that I didn't like. I was upset about his job not paying what he deserves. I was stressed and unhappy. And I took it all out on him. I do that because I know that he will always love me. Plus he knows that when we're fighting it's not really about him but about a number of little things.

After talking quite a bit about what I was feeling, we discovered most of my fears were because of my lack of trust in God. It was hard to admit that. We talked a lot about the future and our financial position. I decided that it was time for me to start looking for a new job. I had decided that even if the job pays less, I should consider it because it would get me out of a job I don't like and into a job I could like.

Taking a job that would pay less would definitely be a big step for me in trust. I realized that I didn't need to make a lot of money. Jon and I are paying off our debt, putting money in savings, paying our bills on time, tithing at church, giving to missionaries, and still having some left over for a monthly date night. It was just a matter of really putting my trust in God and letting Him have control.

I have applied for a couple jobs - two at a bank, one for the county, and one for the US government. Personally I really like the idea of working for the US government for a couple reasons. First, there are opportunities for advancement. Second, the pay and benefits are great. Third, maybe it could lead to a political position one day. The government job closes tomorrow, and I'm really hoping to hear back from them.

I'm really ready to move on to a different job. I want a fresh start. I want to work with people I can tolerate. But ultimately it's not what I want, it's what God wants. Again it goes back to trusting Him with my life. This is one lesson I'm really struggling with. I need to rely on God and not myself.