We had a baby on the 10th. It's our first and we are very excited! But sometimes it's just plain hard. He cries sometimes and I don't know why. He just ate, his diaper is clean, and he should be content. But he cries nonetheless and I can't seem I fix it. It's overwhelming at times. I want him to be happy but he's not. Jon worries about me. I don't always get enough sleep. There was a week when I slept in the chair or on the couch with baby Benjamin just so we could both get some sleep. Now we seem to have a routine for sleep but still there are days when it's not enough. Jon tries to make sure I get sleep but I hear Ben cry and I'm wide awake. Plus I'm constantly trying to make sure Jon gets enough sleep. After all, he has work to go to while I can sleep during the day when Ben naps. Overall I would say it's so great to have a baby but there are times it's hard and tiring.
Jon and I have also been trying to work Dave Ramsey's plan for financial freedom. Right now out focus is on getting about $10,000 saved to cover medical costs for HSA. We decided that was the route we wanted to go with for Ben. The $10k is what we would pay out of pocket before the insurance covers 100%. I am a little nervous something will happen and we will need more but I'm praying for a healthy baby. After we get that saved we will start Baby Step 2 which involves paying off our debts. We have about $72k in student loans. With Jon's new job we should be able to put about $2,500 a month towards the debt which means a payoff of about 2 to 2.5 years. Jon plans on working all 3 of his jobs to do this. One job is full-time at CBS. Then he will work from about 11 pm to 3 am at UPS. The last job is at Diamond Parking and would just be on the weekends. He wants to work all 3 so we can really make a dent in our debt. My concern is when will we have time together. I'm worried our marriage will suffer. We are hoping it will only take 2 years especially if I can find a better paying job. It'll be a 2 year struggle but we are willing to try it in order to change our lives. But I'm concerned about the impact on us. I knows it's only temporary but it will still be hard.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Doubts about Work
Talking with Jon the other day he said something that threw me off. He said, "I don't know if I want to work for Peak 7 anymore." That was a big blow. He has mentioned it before but it didn't seem like a very serious thought. The fact that he said it again made me realize he was serious.
We started talking about why he was feeling that way. His main thing was he didn't like how the organization was run. He loves the programs and thinks those are ran pretty well, but in terms of Peak 7 as a business, he doesn't think so. One of his main concerns was about staff. Peak 7 has never had a good track record of treating staff well. By treating staff well I mean in regards to monetary, hours, not that they are physically hurting them. For example: Peak 7 Spokane has been using a facility that has a house and a warehouse. The idea behind the house was to provide free staff housing for summer staff since the pay is really bad. That changed. Now if a summer staff member wants to stay in the house they have to raise $1,000 to stay. In addition, since we can't have boys and girls staying in the house unchaperoned, girls will be staying in the house and boys will be staying in a tent. Who wants to raise $1,000 to sleep in a tent?
When Jon told me that I about blew a gasket. First of all, the house was supposed to be free - an incentive and way of compensation. Second, how ridiculous to make some guy raise money to sleep in a tent! I was so livid that I told Jon that I would gladly allow that guy to live in our small apartment for the summer for free. I couldn't believe that a Christian organization would treat their staff like that - I should have known, but I can't believe they would sink that low.
Another issue is control. Jon was given a promotion at work to Program Director and yet he told me he feel like he is just another Program Coordinator. He said he has no power to change or do anything differently. Ryan is still very much a control freak. Jon understands there are limitations to control, but Ryan shouldn't have the sole power to change things relating to Spokane, in particular staff housing and other things. Jon's stuck in the middle between Ryan and the Program Coordinators. He's expected to accept anything Ryan changes and he has to convince the PC's to be supportive of it when he is not supportive of it. As a result, the PC's complain to Jon and he agrees with their complaints but if he tries to bring it up to Ryan he gets shot down.
Something needs to change and I'm worried Jon is going to give them an ultimatum and they are going to say fine, leave, and the same treatment will happen to the next person in that position.
I don't like that Jon is unhappy about that aspect of work. I asked what he would do if nothing changes and he said he would quit and find something new. I asked what and he said he didn't know. Then I told him he could always be a stay at home dad.
I'm trying to be supportive of him but I don't know how to encourage him through these doubts. I told him to talk to a board member but he hasn't had time. I've talked a little to Lynn about how Jon is wondering whether or not he wants to work for Peak 7 anymore. When I go to Cashmere for the volunteer/donor weekend, I'm going to talk to Brady and maybe Joel and let them know that Jon is having doubts and they really need to talk to him. I don't know what else to do, but something needs to be done.
We started talking about why he was feeling that way. His main thing was he didn't like how the organization was run. He loves the programs and thinks those are ran pretty well, but in terms of Peak 7 as a business, he doesn't think so. One of his main concerns was about staff. Peak 7 has never had a good track record of treating staff well. By treating staff well I mean in regards to monetary, hours, not that they are physically hurting them. For example: Peak 7 Spokane has been using a facility that has a house and a warehouse. The idea behind the house was to provide free staff housing for summer staff since the pay is really bad. That changed. Now if a summer staff member wants to stay in the house they have to raise $1,000 to stay. In addition, since we can't have boys and girls staying in the house unchaperoned, girls will be staying in the house and boys will be staying in a tent. Who wants to raise $1,000 to sleep in a tent?
When Jon told me that I about blew a gasket. First of all, the house was supposed to be free - an incentive and way of compensation. Second, how ridiculous to make some guy raise money to sleep in a tent! I was so livid that I told Jon that I would gladly allow that guy to live in our small apartment for the summer for free. I couldn't believe that a Christian organization would treat their staff like that - I should have known, but I can't believe they would sink that low.
Another issue is control. Jon was given a promotion at work to Program Director and yet he told me he feel like he is just another Program Coordinator. He said he has no power to change or do anything differently. Ryan is still very much a control freak. Jon understands there are limitations to control, but Ryan shouldn't have the sole power to change things relating to Spokane, in particular staff housing and other things. Jon's stuck in the middle between Ryan and the Program Coordinators. He's expected to accept anything Ryan changes and he has to convince the PC's to be supportive of it when he is not supportive of it. As a result, the PC's complain to Jon and he agrees with their complaints but if he tries to bring it up to Ryan he gets shot down.
Something needs to change and I'm worried Jon is going to give them an ultimatum and they are going to say fine, leave, and the same treatment will happen to the next person in that position.
I don't like that Jon is unhappy about that aspect of work. I asked what he would do if nothing changes and he said he would quit and find something new. I asked what and he said he didn't know. Then I told him he could always be a stay at home dad.
I'm trying to be supportive of him but I don't know how to encourage him through these doubts. I told him to talk to a board member but he hasn't had time. I've talked a little to Lynn about how Jon is wondering whether or not he wants to work for Peak 7 anymore. When I go to Cashmere for the volunteer/donor weekend, I'm going to talk to Brady and maybe Joel and let them know that Jon is having doubts and they really need to talk to him. I don't know what else to do, but something needs to be done.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Last night was not good. Jon and I went and saw the musical Wicked. It was really good. But the ride home was not. We got stuck in the parking garage and I snapped at Jon and he yelled at me. I admit I deserved it but it still hurts. Sometimes I wonder if he knows how much that hurts. We came home and I just stared out the side window at the river letting the tears fall. He kept asking if we could talk and I said nothing until we got home. Then I told him no. I was just too hurt and upset. I grabbed my pillow, my Bible, and my phone charger and came out to the living room. I did a little homework and then got ready for bed. I laid on the couch intending to go to bed but instead I just cried. Finally I got some paper and wrote a letter to Jon voicing my frustrations and feelings. Writing has really helped me do that.
Today I didn't go to work. I was worn out physically and emotionally. I called in saying I had a fever and migraine. I don't care. I needed a break and some time. I was able to get some homework done before the busy weekend. I just wish I didn't have to work. I wish I either had a job I loved or that I could be a stay at home mom. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes.
Today I didn't go to work. I was worn out physically and emotionally. I called in saying I had a fever and migraine. I don't care. I needed a break and some time. I was able to get some homework done before the busy weekend. I just wish I didn't have to work. I wish I either had a job I loved or that I could be a stay at home mom. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I haven't been real faithful to this blog. This is just my personal blog. My feelings. My thoughts. My doubts. Me. I'm not a writer. I've never claimed to be one. I think I just do it because it helps me focus my thoughts and really voice my thoughts are; it's a way to sort my thoughts instead of having them jumbled inside.
The last time I wrote I was debating whether or not to go for my MBA. Well, I went for it. I'm just over half way done. I have finished two semesters and have completed the first week of my third semester. Some of those same doubts I had before have just come flying back. Am I really doing the right thing? Should I be pursuing my MBA? Is it really worth it? My original intent of getting it was to teach at college, but I know now that is impossible unless I decide to just do community college or if I get my PhD. I'm not sure why I want this. Part of me is justifying it by saying that it will make me more marketable and help me find a new job. That's true. But when? Anytime I apply for a job I let them know I am currently pursuing my MBA. But I won't be finished until December...unless I decide to take my last class in the spring semester since my due date is December 1st. Part of me just wants to get it over with now. I can do it. I may be a little stressed, but I will have time off from work which will help me.
When I start to think maybe I shouldn't finish I start lecturing myself. I've already spent $9,000 so far, so why waste it. I'm half way done, why stop now? I just can't seem to make up my mind, but until then I continue to press on. I know I will finish it, mostly because I can't stand it when people are so close to being done and don't finish. Plus, it honestly will make me more marketable.
One of my other struggles has been in relation to work. Since becoming pregnant I've had a greater desire to be a stay-at-home-mom. But then I think about finances. At this point in Jon's career, his job doesn't pay enough to support us, even with cutting back as much as possible. He only makes about $1500 a month. Removed $150 for tithing, $615 for rent, $254 for his student loans, $191 for my loans (which will be closer to $400 when I'm done), then we have our cell phones $160 (which we could go back to our basic calling and texting and get rid of our data plans, but that only takes us down to $90), then insurance for the car $90, and that puts us at $1460. That doesn't take into consideration utilities, gas for the car, Internet (which we could get rid of), health insurance, groceries, and miscellaneous. It's so frustrating to look at the numbers and see that Jon's check can't support us alone. Me having to work has been a big frustration. I know I complain often, which isn't fair to Jon, but I don't know who else to talk to.
It's overwhelming sometimes. Knowing that I have to work. Jon and I have discussed it quite a bit. He told me on a drive home that he would like for me to be a stay at home mom. He told me he's struggling at work. He loves the ministry, but hates the organization. He's not even certain about his job anymore. On one hand that scares me because I want him to love his job, but on the other hand, I almost feel a sense of relief knowing that maybe he will get a different job that he likes but pays better. But I don't want him to quit a job he loves just so I can be a stay at home mom. I don't want him to give up his ministry for me.
I struggle with jealousy. Why do some people get to be stay at home moms and others not? I think of my friends - Jenny, Lynn, Jodi, Rachael - all have the opportunity to stay at home. Why not me? Why don't I get to? It just doesn't seem fair! I know when I married Jon that he would never make a lot of money. I thought it was fine at the time. I was more than happy to make the money for us. But now the rose-colored glasses are off. I can see how naive I was, how I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. But it is.
It happens every Sunday. I start to feel depressed. I know it's because I have work the next day at a job I hate going to. It's not the work that's hard, it's the environment. Several people have even told me how shocked they are that I stayed as long as I have. I'm grateful to have a job, but if I had a job I loved going to, I don't think I would have this problem. I don't think I would be so unhappy with having to work. But my situation remains unchanged.
You're probably thinking, well just quit and find a new job. Ha! Easier said than done. I have applied for numerous jobs over the last year and have only had 3 interviews. One job I was so excited for. I really wanted it. But someone had more government experience and they offered it to that person. Another interview revealed to me that it wasn't the job for me. It was more office/secretary work than accounting work. The last interview was a few weeks ago and I thought it went well, but there was no follow up interview. I still apply for jobs. I still search every day hoping to find something.
The time is getting closer and closer when I have to temporarily stop because I'll be getting too close to my due date. But when is that cut off time? Jon wanted me to stop a few weeks ago but I couldn't. I became so depressed and hopeless that I told him I had to keep looking otherwise I would go postal. I told him I didn't care if that meant sacrificing 3 months of maternity leave for only 6 weeks, but if I had to, I think I could do it. But ask me again at the end of those 6 weeks if I really could.
Sometimes I think how much easier it would be if I just won the lottery. A couple weeks ago I was laying around watching TV and the TLC show "The Lottery Changed My Life" was playing a marathon day.I got suckered it. I started dreaming about what I would do if I were to win. I even checked the Mega Millions amount and saw that it was $40 million. I even went and bought a ticket because I was desperate. I didn't win. And then it hit me. Why would I assume that money would solve the problem? Just because you have money doesn't make your life better. I was doubting God. Is my faith really that small? That I think God doesn't care enough to remove these financial burdens? Obviously God is trying to teach me something. But I still feel depressed. I still feel sad. I still feel hopeless.
Doubt is one of those things that can cause a lot of problems. Uncertainty is not something I enjoy. But maybe it's just what my faith needs. Maybe this will help me grow to understand God even more.
The last time I wrote I was debating whether or not to go for my MBA. Well, I went for it. I'm just over half way done. I have finished two semesters and have completed the first week of my third semester. Some of those same doubts I had before have just come flying back. Am I really doing the right thing? Should I be pursuing my MBA? Is it really worth it? My original intent of getting it was to teach at college, but I know now that is impossible unless I decide to just do community college or if I get my PhD. I'm not sure why I want this. Part of me is justifying it by saying that it will make me more marketable and help me find a new job. That's true. But when? Anytime I apply for a job I let them know I am currently pursuing my MBA. But I won't be finished until December...unless I decide to take my last class in the spring semester since my due date is December 1st. Part of me just wants to get it over with now. I can do it. I may be a little stressed, but I will have time off from work which will help me.
When I start to think maybe I shouldn't finish I start lecturing myself. I've already spent $9,000 so far, so why waste it. I'm half way done, why stop now? I just can't seem to make up my mind, but until then I continue to press on. I know I will finish it, mostly because I can't stand it when people are so close to being done and don't finish. Plus, it honestly will make me more marketable.
One of my other struggles has been in relation to work. Since becoming pregnant I've had a greater desire to be a stay-at-home-mom. But then I think about finances. At this point in Jon's career, his job doesn't pay enough to support us, even with cutting back as much as possible. He only makes about $1500 a month. Removed $150 for tithing, $615 for rent, $254 for his student loans, $191 for my loans (which will be closer to $400 when I'm done), then we have our cell phones $160 (which we could go back to our basic calling and texting and get rid of our data plans, but that only takes us down to $90), then insurance for the car $90, and that puts us at $1460. That doesn't take into consideration utilities, gas for the car, Internet (which we could get rid of), health insurance, groceries, and miscellaneous. It's so frustrating to look at the numbers and see that Jon's check can't support us alone. Me having to work has been a big frustration. I know I complain often, which isn't fair to Jon, but I don't know who else to talk to.
It's overwhelming sometimes. Knowing that I have to work. Jon and I have discussed it quite a bit. He told me on a drive home that he would like for me to be a stay at home mom. He told me he's struggling at work. He loves the ministry, but hates the organization. He's not even certain about his job anymore. On one hand that scares me because I want him to love his job, but on the other hand, I almost feel a sense of relief knowing that maybe he will get a different job that he likes but pays better. But I don't want him to quit a job he loves just so I can be a stay at home mom. I don't want him to give up his ministry for me.
I struggle with jealousy. Why do some people get to be stay at home moms and others not? I think of my friends - Jenny, Lynn, Jodi, Rachael - all have the opportunity to stay at home. Why not me? Why don't I get to? It just doesn't seem fair! I know when I married Jon that he would never make a lot of money. I thought it was fine at the time. I was more than happy to make the money for us. But now the rose-colored glasses are off. I can see how naive I was, how I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. But it is.
It happens every Sunday. I start to feel depressed. I know it's because I have work the next day at a job I hate going to. It's not the work that's hard, it's the environment. Several people have even told me how shocked they are that I stayed as long as I have. I'm grateful to have a job, but if I had a job I loved going to, I don't think I would have this problem. I don't think I would be so unhappy with having to work. But my situation remains unchanged.
You're probably thinking, well just quit and find a new job. Ha! Easier said than done. I have applied for numerous jobs over the last year and have only had 3 interviews. One job I was so excited for. I really wanted it. But someone had more government experience and they offered it to that person. Another interview revealed to me that it wasn't the job for me. It was more office/secretary work than accounting work. The last interview was a few weeks ago and I thought it went well, but there was no follow up interview. I still apply for jobs. I still search every day hoping to find something.
The time is getting closer and closer when I have to temporarily stop because I'll be getting too close to my due date. But when is that cut off time? Jon wanted me to stop a few weeks ago but I couldn't. I became so depressed and hopeless that I told him I had to keep looking otherwise I would go postal. I told him I didn't care if that meant sacrificing 3 months of maternity leave for only 6 weeks, but if I had to, I think I could do it. But ask me again at the end of those 6 weeks if I really could.
Sometimes I think how much easier it would be if I just won the lottery. A couple weeks ago I was laying around watching TV and the TLC show "The Lottery Changed My Life" was playing a marathon day.I got suckered it. I started dreaming about what I would do if I were to win. I even checked the Mega Millions amount and saw that it was $40 million. I even went and bought a ticket because I was desperate. I didn't win. And then it hit me. Why would I assume that money would solve the problem? Just because you have money doesn't make your life better. I was doubting God. Is my faith really that small? That I think God doesn't care enough to remove these financial burdens? Obviously God is trying to teach me something. But I still feel depressed. I still feel sad. I still feel hopeless.
Doubt is one of those things that can cause a lot of problems. Uncertainty is not something I enjoy. But maybe it's just what my faith needs. Maybe this will help me grow to understand God even more.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Uncertain
I was on my way to work when it hit me. It's nothing new, but each time it feels overwhelming. Doubt. I have six days to submit my enrollment fee to guarantee my spot in the fall semester for my MBA program, and I'm not so sure it's the right thing to do.
My main purpose in getting my MBA is to teach at the college level. The more and more I look into it the more it seems that I will need at least a doctorate to teach. I keep asking myself if it's worth it. Can I even attain that before it changes yet again? How long will it take me to be able to do that?
My fears are overwhelming me. What will this do to me financially? How long will it take? Do I even have a shot at teaching? Do I even want to stay in accounting? Will teaching make me happy? What if I fail?
The last question is what is holding me back the most. I think I am just scared of trying something new. It's the unknown that is most frightening.
My main purpose in getting my MBA is to teach at the college level. The more and more I look into it the more it seems that I will need at least a doctorate to teach. I keep asking myself if it's worth it. Can I even attain that before it changes yet again? How long will it take me to be able to do that?
My fears are overwhelming me. What will this do to me financially? How long will it take? Do I even have a shot at teaching? Do I even want to stay in accounting? Will teaching make me happy? What if I fail?
The last question is what is holding me back the most. I think I am just scared of trying something new. It's the unknown that is most frightening.
Monday, May 3, 2010
When To Jump Ship
Last Thursday I took some time off work for an appointment. The appointment was a test for a potential job. I got there feeling excited and nervous. I walked into Civil Service and saw quite a few people waiting for the same test I was. Turns out that there were 38 other people applying for the same job I was. Most were older, a few seemed about my age, but all were determined to do their best for the one vacancy. The test wasn't quite what I expected. I didn't know quite a bit of it, but I pressed on. At the end of the test you could either wait for your test score or just leave. I waited. Out of 100 I got 56 correct. An F. Not what I hoped for but what I expected. For me it was better to know my score than having to wait until they finally emailed us with our rank, which still hasn't happened yet. I'm not counting on an interview, but you never know.
Today I went to work. I definitely wasn't looking forward to going. It's not a job I enjoy. I find myself dreading the work days. I keep looking for new jobs finding nothing. My biggest problem is finding something that pays comparatively but doesn't require a ton of experience. I find myself becoming depressed about work. I've talked to Jon before about working at REI and he didn't think I should do it. They still have openings and I'm wanting to do it. Promotional opportunities are there along with incentives and overtime opportunities. It does pay significantly less, but right now I'm ok with less if it means a better work place.
I'm just wanting to work some place else. I want to do something more with my life. I want a job that I love and people that are nice to work with. The question is when do I jump ship and what new boat will I board?
Today I went to work. I definitely wasn't looking forward to going. It's not a job I enjoy. I find myself dreading the work days. I keep looking for new jobs finding nothing. My biggest problem is finding something that pays comparatively but doesn't require a ton of experience. I find myself becoming depressed about work. I've talked to Jon before about working at REI and he didn't think I should do it. They still have openings and I'm wanting to do it. Promotional opportunities are there along with incentives and overtime opportunities. It does pay significantly less, but right now I'm ok with less if it means a better work place.
I'm just wanting to work some place else. I want to do something more with my life. I want a job that I love and people that are nice to work with. The question is when do I jump ship and what new boat will I board?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Possibilities
A couple weeks ago Jon and I were driving home from lunch with friends when he brought up his boss's condo. We had originally looked at the condo a year ago to see if it was a better deal to rent than the current apartment we are in. My first thoughts of the place were "that's ugly," referring to the outside of the building. It was an ok condo. It seemed a little bit smaller than our current apartment and not much cheaper. We ultimately passed on it. I couldn't justify paying $50 less a month when we get free cable and a few workout room at our current place.
Anyways, we were driving home when Jon mentioned Ryan (his boss) talking to him about renting the condo. Ryan had asked Jon if we would rent the condo for around $400 and Jon said probably not. Then Ryan asked Jon if the answer was still no even if the rent was $200. Jon said he didn't know for sure but probably not. When asked why he said because his wife thinks it's ugly. At the mention of $200 a month my eyes widened and my mouth dropped and I quickly told Jon that yes I would rent it for $200. I told him I could stand ugly if the price was right.
Once we got home we discussed the effects that renting at that price would have on us. We would save about $300-$400 a month depending upon whether we get cable and what our utilities are. These savings would immediately go towards our debt/savings plan resulting in us paying off all our debt (one credit card and student loans) at least a year sooner. That includes having enough in savings for our emergency fund (6 months worth of expenses) and enough for a 10% down payment on a house. Seeing those numbers made me ecstatic! I wanted to jump at it and move in. I asked Jon to find out if Ryan was serious about that price and if/when the current tenants would be moving out.
Hope fell when Jon returned with the answers a few days later. Ryan didn't know if the tenants were going to move out in September when their lease ended or if they were going to renew. This was a downer because our lease is up in June and if we knew for sure we could move into the condo in the fall, we would go to a month-to-month lease. However, at this point it looks like we will be renewing our lease for another six months. The second downer was Ryan wasn't serious about $200. He told Jon for us to think of how high we will go and he would talk to his wife about what they can afford. There's still the possibility he would go down that far, but right now it looks pretty slim.
I'm trying to stay optimistic while being realistic, but it's hard. I think of what we could do with additional savings and I get excited. But then I remember it's not a guarantee and even several months out before we know anything for sure. I guess the old adage is true: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. But there's still hope.
Anyways, we were driving home when Jon mentioned Ryan (his boss) talking to him about renting the condo. Ryan had asked Jon if we would rent the condo for around $400 and Jon said probably not. Then Ryan asked Jon if the answer was still no even if the rent was $200. Jon said he didn't know for sure but probably not. When asked why he said because his wife thinks it's ugly. At the mention of $200 a month my eyes widened and my mouth dropped and I quickly told Jon that yes I would rent it for $200. I told him I could stand ugly if the price was right.
Once we got home we discussed the effects that renting at that price would have on us. We would save about $300-$400 a month depending upon whether we get cable and what our utilities are. These savings would immediately go towards our debt/savings plan resulting in us paying off all our debt (one credit card and student loans) at least a year sooner. That includes having enough in savings for our emergency fund (6 months worth of expenses) and enough for a 10% down payment on a house. Seeing those numbers made me ecstatic! I wanted to jump at it and move in. I asked Jon to find out if Ryan was serious about that price and if/when the current tenants would be moving out.
Hope fell when Jon returned with the answers a few days later. Ryan didn't know if the tenants were going to move out in September when their lease ended or if they were going to renew. This was a downer because our lease is up in June and if we knew for sure we could move into the condo in the fall, we would go to a month-to-month lease. However, at this point it looks like we will be renewing our lease for another six months. The second downer was Ryan wasn't serious about $200. He told Jon for us to think of how high we will go and he would talk to his wife about what they can afford. There's still the possibility he would go down that far, but right now it looks pretty slim.
I'm trying to stay optimistic while being realistic, but it's hard. I think of what we could do with additional savings and I get excited. But then I remember it's not a guarantee and even several months out before we know anything for sure. I guess the old adage is true: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. But there's still hope.
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