Appointments & Money

I made an appointment the other day to see my nurse practitioner regarding what I need to do to prepare for getting pregnant. I'm a little nervous, but it's a good thing for me to do. After all, she did tell me to come see her around that time to discuss starting prenatal vitamins before I'm pregnant.

It's so amazing how fast time is going! Already October is almost over. This month has been an expensive month for us. We had the shock of finding out how much our dental bills were going to be and we had spent more on dining out than we anticipated. This next month after all our regular bills are paid we're going to sit down and go over our expenses and see how to best handle our money for the month. It's nice to be able to do that and I was happy that it was Jon that suggested doing that. It's nice to have him on the same page. Now it's just a matter of us cracking down and not spending money we shouldn't be spending, particularly when it comes to dining out.

Counting Down The Days

It seems my world has been surrounded by babies or pregnant women. A coworker is pregnant, a sister-in-law is pregnant, another sister-in-law is trying to get pregnant, and several friends have recently had babies.

Jon and I decided that in December we would start trying for a baby. I keep looking at the date, counting down until the time we can start. I'm a little nervous. I still have to schedule an appointment with my nurse practitioner. She told me that it would be good to start taking prenatal vitamins before I was pregnant. I guess it helps me get healthier. I'm planning on calling today at lunch to set something up.

Just think, in 2 months I will probably be pregnant. I'm having mixed reactions -- first I'm excited then I'm like "yikes!" But I'm ready for that next step in life. Plus, I know Jon is looking forward to a baby. But while I wait, I count the days.

Breadwinners and Christmas

There's been a lot of coverage on TV regarding the change of the role of women. Women are more and more becoming the breadwinners of the family. My family is no exception. While Jon makes about $18,000 a year, I make double the amount at $36,000. In addition, insurance is run through my company.

Jon and I have discussed our salaries extensively. He doesn't have a problem making less money than me, and I would rather he have a job he loves that makes less than a job he hates that makes more. However, I definitely feel the pressure of having to work.

My current job is definitely not my dream job, but it's a job that pays well and is pretty easy to do. However, there are days when I wish I didn't have to work. I would rather be a stay-at-home mom. Financially, however, that isn't possible.

Today I've been thinking of how to handle our finances. Right now I'm thinking it would be good to get our savings built up. We should have been able to pay for Jon's dental bills with one payment if our savings is what it should be, but instead we will go on a payment plan for that. My biggest conundrum is whether to continue to pay off our Citi credit card or ramp up savings. My goal after the Citi card was paid off is to build up savings, mostly to prepare for maternity leave, but right now I'm really wanting to put some more in savings. I know the benefits of paying off the Citi card include an increased credit score and less interest/fees we will be paying. At the same time, I'm worried about not having enough in savings to cover expenses. But the more I think about it, the better it would be to pay off the Citi card. If we stick to our payment plan we have set up, it will be paid off in 2 months. I guess I just needed to type it to think through it. Just pray nothing happens to us that will affect us financially.

My next concern is Christmas. We have about half of our nieces and nephews shopped for. We spend only about $10 a piece since we have 11 to shop for along with our parents and each other. I really want to get some nice things for Jon, but I worry about money. I can't think of anything I really need for Christmas. I would rather not have a lot of money spent on me. I would like a couple books and an Eiffel Tower lamp and some Eiffel Tower decorations, but that's about it. But it's not the gifts that have me too concerned; it's the decorations.

Jon and I haven't really had a Christmas together. We moved last year over Christmas. We packed everything up on Dec. 23 and drove over the pass to my parents' house where we spent Christmas. We then moved into our apartment the Saturday after Christmas. So last year we didn't really have a need to have decorations, but this year I would like some. I'm not going to buy a lot, just a few. I can slowly add stuff to my collection as the years go by. But the thing I want the most is a fake Christmas tree. (Real trees affect Jon's asthma.) However, those trees can be pricey. Maybe this year we will forgo a tree. Besides, it's not the decorations that make Christmas, it's the birth of Jesus Christ.

Calculating Cavities

This morning Jon went off to the dentist. I anticipated some cavities because he hasn't been to the dentist in 5+ years. The thing I wasn't anticipating was the cost. He has 5 cavities, 3 which are high priority. To fix the first 3 it's going to cost us $425. To fix the next 2, $275. Unfortunately right now money is tight and we can't afford to pay all that upfront. The good thing is there's a thing called CareCredit (www.carecredit.com) that allows us to make payments with no interest. At the same time, these are costs I was not anticipating.

My dentist appointment is next week. Let's hope I fair better. I'd like a big ZERO for cavities. I guess in one week we'll find one.

Contentedness and Trust

I had a meltdown yesterday yet again. It seems I have those often lately. I think I'm just too stressed about money, babies, and work. What I need to do is pray and learn to really trust God. I don't know why I can't just do that.

The meltdown began with me not wanting to work out and then feeling sorry for myself about my weight. Soon it melted into my worries about money and wanting to have at least our credit card debt paid off before we have kids, but since I really want a kid, the debt is going to be paid off after, unless we get a sudden influx of cash. That stresses me out so much I've been considering getting a second job. Jon doesn't like that idea.

I was doing some thinking and calculating yesterday, and it looks like we're not going to be able to afford a house for a while, at least not a house that I want long term. I've really had my heart set on that piece of land a couple blocks away from our apartment and the manufactured home I found online. I've even been thinking of what color the rooms will be and how the furniture will be arranged. However, we probably won't have a house until at least baby #3 is coming along, maybe later. It just depends as to how quickly we can pay off our credit cards and get money saved up for a down payment.

Please be praying for me. I'm really struggling with the slowness of debt payment and savings increase.

Sometimes I pray for a check to come in the mail. The amount tends to range from $8,000 to $60,000. I would like the $8,000 to pay off all our credit card debt. I would like the $60,000 to pay off all our debts -- student loans and credit cards. Personally I would love a check of $75,000. That would allow all of our debts to be paid and have some money to put in savings. But the likelihood of that happening is slim to none and being closer to the none.

Jon told me I just need to look at what we do have.
- We own 2 paid off vehicles.
- We each have a lap top.
- We have a roof over our head.
- We have food in the fridge, cupboards, and freezer.
- We have money to meet our monthly obligations.
- We both have jobs.
- We have family who loves us.
- We have each other.
- We have God who provides for us more than we know.

All in all we have it pretty good, actually, better than most. I guess it's just hard to see what we have when I'm looking at what I want. But the thing with money is you will always want more. I just need to learn to be content with what we have.

Contentedness and trust in God -- two things I'm struggling with. Pray for me please.

Sleepy and Snappy

This week has been a lot different from what I'm used to. I've been waking up tired after getting 7 1/2 to 8 hours of sleep. I've been very snappy and short with people. I've also been very emotional -- I've had a crying melt down on Jon at least twice this week. Usually I would just shrug this all off but now I'm beginning to wonder. Maybe I'm pregnant.

Pregnant. I've been thinking and praying a lot about that. Part of me really wants a baby, but waiting until the timing is right usually wins out. In regards to timing, I mean timing it so Jon is home for the birth. He's busy March - May with rafting and gone about every other week from June - August backpacking. So we want to time it so he's home, preferably September. I know a pregnancy can explain the moodiness and sleepiness. But then again so can stress.

Stress has began to really grow during the last couple months. I've been really stressed about work. I'm not happy at my job, but I don't know what to do. Jon keeps telling me to talk to Sandy (my supervisor) but that scares me. She's not a friendly person and almost everything I don't like about my job relates to her. I've considered writing her an email about how I feel but would that be wrong? I know it would bring up a conversation, and it would be awkward.

I'm also stressed about money. It was always my goal to have our credit cards paid off by the time we have a baby, but now it's looking like it won't get paid off until after. We'll have one paid off this year, but the other won't be paid until 2011. It's stressing me. I know God will provide; I guess I'm just having trouble really trusting Him. A baby would be a great way to grow my trust.

I'm concerned about work after a baby. I know I have to work at least part time, but then I have to figure out daycare. Dani suggested asking around at church for a lady willing to watch my baby during the week. It would be cheaper than going to a daycare and maybe she won't mind watching the baby at our home since all the baby's stuff is here. I'll have to do the math to figure out how many hours I would have to work to cover our medical and still cover our expenses. I just hope medical is still granted for part time employees. But the hours aren't what really concern me.

How long to take for maternity leave is what really concerns me. I need at least one month, but is three months pushing it? After one month should I start coming back one day a week to try and get caught up? Is that too much or not enough? I know that the one day a week option could work because Jon can stay home with the baby on those days if we make a schedule. It's just a matter of whether my employer will accept it. Maybe after 2 months I can come back a couple days a week or maybe start back up at part time. I think I would try and work 5 hours a day: 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. or maybe 9:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. I think I would like that better, but then again, it's what works for my employer that counts.

Wow. It's interesting how I had planned on talking about my stressful week and it turned into baby planning.

Not Where I Thought I'd Be

Growing up I have always defined myself as the smart, athletic girl who gets straight A's. In elementary and junior high I pushed myself to be the smart one in the class, though I definitely wasn't the smartest one. I have defined myself according to success -- which chair in jazz band I was, how I did in cross-country and track races, what I was ranked academically, which clubs I was in, and which clubs I held office in. That's who I was and how I measured my success, mostly by comparing myself to others.

In college I had heard of several people going off to college with a certain major in mind and eventually changing it once, twice, or several times. I didn't want to be that person I decided. I wanted to put my mind to something and not change it. That tends to be my downfall. It put me in a career that doesn't satisfy me.

When I was in junior high, I developed a passion for designing houses. I had fun designing houses. Granted at that point I wasn't too creative or using realistic dimensions. In high school I began experimenting with it. I thought it would be fun to take a unique shape, like the letter R, and design a house within that. It made for some fun angles. It was not realistic, but I looked at it as a challenge. Progressively I got better and more realistic. It was a fun hobby for me. I sketched house plans throughout college and even up to a few months ago. I even designed some houses that I want built. It was something I did for fun. Looking back I wish I had gone into architecture. It was something I really enjoyed and felt like I was good at it. But it's not what I'm doing for a career.

My sophomore year of high school I was scheduling my junior year classes and needed a year long class. I decided to take accounting. I'm not sure if I chose it because it was at the top of the list or if I was really interested in it. Needless to say, I ended up in the class. I ended up really enjoying the class. It was fun to take checks and deposits and keep track of it on the books. It was like a challenge to come up with the correct ending number. I'm not sure if it because it was junior year and we were discussing college a lot or what, but I got it into my head that accounting is what I wanted to do with my life. Plus, my teacher kept bringing up the salary a CPA makes and it sounded nice.

I stood by that decision all through college and I graduated with a degree in accounting. I definitely had a talent for it. It seemed to come naturally to me and I did well at it. I certainly didn't push myself to be the best I could be, but I still did well. I did change one thought. I decided I didn't want to be a CPA. I worked for 2 years at a CPA firm and did not like it. Eventually I might change my mind but for now I don't want that career.

I landed my first job as an Accounts Payable Specialist. It wasn't the job I had applied for, but the company that I interviewed with still wanted me on staff. I took it. I learned the basics and did well for myself. I had everything down pat. I was even given a few projects. However, I never felt truly happy or challenged.

A job change for my husband meant a move to Spokane. A coworker at my first job hooked me up with a contact that hired me for an Accounting Assistant position. It sounded like it would be a promising job. My supervisor seemed nice. The work seemed like it would be good. After I got the hang of things I realized how easy the work was. The challenge left and I was left feeling like I should get a different job.

My supervisor wasn't as pleasant as she appeared. She was constantly swearing and complaining. The work was easy and quickly finished. Several times I sat around wondering how I would keep busy. A project I was supposed to start in June didn't get started until August. Once I figured that out though, work became easy again. I was unchallenged yet again. I honestly feel like I could do more with my accounting degree and that the job I'm at is a step down.

I've considered getting a new job. I've considered going back to school. However, my desire for a family, a home, and a debt-free life sidelined all that. Jon and I want to start a family soon and since money is needed to feed and clothe a baby and us, I have to work. Fortunately my supervisor told me she would be fine with me working part time. I don't know if any other employer would be as flexible and right now I'm not willing to risk it.

My career isn't exactly what I want it to be. Maybe once my kids are older I will have figured it out and changed it. I certainly don't plan on staying at this job for my career. It's just a matter of waiting to see what's available and what curve balls life throws.

Away for the Weekend

Waking up on Friday I knew Jon would be leaving that morning for western Washington. He won't return until Tuesday. At first I was looking forward to having time to myself. Time to sleep in without being interrupted. Time to watch whatever I wanted on TV. Time for me.

It sounded so wonderful until I got home on Friday and started really missing him. It's funny, you know. When he's constantly around I look forward to moments when I can get my alone time, but when he's gone, I wish he were home. It's not so much as wanting to spend every second with him as it is having him nearby. I am comforted when he is at home. I feel safe.

Saturday I was busy for the most part, but once my shopping was done and I had exercised, I started missing him again. I cried and prayed in bed that night. My biggest worry when he leaves is that he won't come home again. I know I shouldn't borrow trouble, but it's one of my thoughts.

Sunday was probably the hardest day for me. I got ready for church and left. I arrived at church and sat in my usual row. It was the second week in a row that Jon hasn't been there with me. I tried being joyful while I sang, but I wasn't. I was missing Jon too much. I was sad. We had a missionary at church and it ended early. Rather than stay for the lunch I went home. After lunch and relaxing for an hour or so, I drove to my parents' house, which was a nice distraction. However, when I got home I just felt so empty. I wanted Jon to be there and he wasn't. He won't be home until tomorrow. Once the show ended I went to bed feeling sad and alone.

I'm hoping today goes by quickly so I can go home, read my Bible, exercise, watch some TV, and go to bed knowing that Jon comes back tomorrow. I miss him and I want him home. It's just not the same if he's not around.