Sleepy and Snappy

This week has been a lot different from what I'm used to. I've been waking up tired after getting 7 1/2 to 8 hours of sleep. I've been very snappy and short with people. I've also been very emotional -- I've had a crying melt down on Jon at least twice this week. Usually I would just shrug this all off but now I'm beginning to wonder. Maybe I'm pregnant.

Pregnant. I've been thinking and praying a lot about that. Part of me really wants a baby, but waiting until the timing is right usually wins out. In regards to timing, I mean timing it so Jon is home for the birth. He's busy March - May with rafting and gone about every other week from June - August backpacking. So we want to time it so he's home, preferably September. I know a pregnancy can explain the moodiness and sleepiness. But then again so can stress.

Stress has began to really grow during the last couple months. I've been really stressed about work. I'm not happy at my job, but I don't know what to do. Jon keeps telling me to talk to Sandy (my supervisor) but that scares me. She's not a friendly person and almost everything I don't like about my job relates to her. I've considered writing her an email about how I feel but would that be wrong? I know it would bring up a conversation, and it would be awkward.

I'm also stressed about money. It was always my goal to have our credit cards paid off by the time we have a baby, but now it's looking like it won't get paid off until after. We'll have one paid off this year, but the other won't be paid until 2011. It's stressing me. I know God will provide; I guess I'm just having trouble really trusting Him. A baby would be a great way to grow my trust.

I'm concerned about work after a baby. I know I have to work at least part time, but then I have to figure out daycare. Dani suggested asking around at church for a lady willing to watch my baby during the week. It would be cheaper than going to a daycare and maybe she won't mind watching the baby at our home since all the baby's stuff is here. I'll have to do the math to figure out how many hours I would have to work to cover our medical and still cover our expenses. I just hope medical is still granted for part time employees. But the hours aren't what really concern me.

How long to take for maternity leave is what really concerns me. I need at least one month, but is three months pushing it? After one month should I start coming back one day a week to try and get caught up? Is that too much or not enough? I know that the one day a week option could work because Jon can stay home with the baby on those days if we make a schedule. It's just a matter of whether my employer will accept it. Maybe after 2 months I can come back a couple days a week or maybe start back up at part time. I think I would try and work 5 hours a day: 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. or maybe 9:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. I think I would like that better, but then again, it's what works for my employer that counts.

Wow. It's interesting how I had planned on talking about my stressful week and it turned into baby planning.