Contentedness and Trust

I had a meltdown yesterday yet again. It seems I have those often lately. I think I'm just too stressed about money, babies, and work. What I need to do is pray and learn to really trust God. I don't know why I can't just do that.

The meltdown began with me not wanting to work out and then feeling sorry for myself about my weight. Soon it melted into my worries about money and wanting to have at least our credit card debt paid off before we have kids, but since I really want a kid, the debt is going to be paid off after, unless we get a sudden influx of cash. That stresses me out so much I've been considering getting a second job. Jon doesn't like that idea.

I was doing some thinking and calculating yesterday, and it looks like we're not going to be able to afford a house for a while, at least not a house that I want long term. I've really had my heart set on that piece of land a couple blocks away from our apartment and the manufactured home I found online. I've even been thinking of what color the rooms will be and how the furniture will be arranged. However, we probably won't have a house until at least baby #3 is coming along, maybe later. It just depends as to how quickly we can pay off our credit cards and get money saved up for a down payment.

Please be praying for me. I'm really struggling with the slowness of debt payment and savings increase.

Sometimes I pray for a check to come in the mail. The amount tends to range from $8,000 to $60,000. I would like the $8,000 to pay off all our credit card debt. I would like the $60,000 to pay off all our debts -- student loans and credit cards. Personally I would love a check of $75,000. That would allow all of our debts to be paid and have some money to put in savings. But the likelihood of that happening is slim to none and being closer to the none.

Jon told me I just need to look at what we do have.
- We own 2 paid off vehicles.
- We each have a lap top.
- We have a roof over our head.
- We have food in the fridge, cupboards, and freezer.
- We have money to meet our monthly obligations.
- We both have jobs.
- We have family who loves us.
- We have each other.
- We have God who provides for us more than we know.

All in all we have it pretty good, actually, better than most. I guess it's just hard to see what we have when I'm looking at what I want. But the thing with money is you will always want more. I just need to learn to be content with what we have.

Contentedness and trust in God -- two things I'm struggling with. Pray for me please.